Home Page

Free Web space and hosting from freehomepage.com


	Nelapsi's Queen of the Damned Homepage \| About Queen of the Damned \| Interview with the Vampire and The Vampire Lestat Condensed Versions (funny) \| Queen of the Damned Condensed Version (funny) \| Interview with the Vampire Unofficial Movie Script \| QOTD Unofficial Movie Script \| Anne Rice Speaks \| Queen of the Damned Picture Gallery Page 1 \| Queen of the Damned Picture Gallery Page 2 \| Queen of the Damned Picture Gallery Page 3 \| Queen of the Damned Picture Gallery Page 4 \| Queen of the Damned Picture Gallery Page 5 \| Queen of the Damned Picture Gallery Page 6 \| Sign in your Immortal Soul... \| My Site Awards \| Vampire Princess Nelapsi Porphyria \| Links

interview with the vampire A Vampire Chronicles parody by Twi, August 2000. Rated PG. LOUIS: I am a vampire. INTERVIEWER: Really? LOUIS: Yes. Now I will have a 200-page flashback. (1791. Louis' brother dies.) LOUIS: Life sucks. I want to die. (Lestat bites him.) LOUIS: No, wait. I don't want to die. LESTAT: Too late. (Lestat makes Louis a vampire. A lot of people die. Then Louis' plantation is burned down. A lot more people die.) LOUIS: This sucks. I hate you, Lestat. LESTAT: I know. That's why I'm going to trick you into helping me make this little girl a vampire. LOUIS: Okay. CLAUDIA: I represent Anne Rice's wishes that her dead daughter would have lived forever. Never being able to grow up sucks. LOUIS: Yes. Let's get that mean Lestat. (Louis and Claudia think they kill Lestat, only he isn't really dead. Then they go to Europe.) LOUIS: There aren't any other vampires like us. This sucks. Wait, yes there are. OTHER VAMPIRES: We are seductive and evil. We will punish you for creating a child vampire, even though our leader is only seventeen. (Claudia dies. Louis escapes and burns down the Theatre de Vampires. He meets Lestat later. Then he decides to give an interview, neatly bringing us back to the present.) LOUIS: Immortality sucks. INTERVIEWER: Actually, it sounds pretty cool. LOUIS: It's not. (He bites the Interviewer.) THE END
	Note from the Webmistress Please do not get offended by this story. But if you do, get over it. It's funny.

	The Vampire Lestat Condensed Version The Vampire Lestat A Vampire Chronicles parody by Twi, August 2000. Rated PG.

	LESTAT: I have been buried underground. Now I am a rock star. I think I will write a book. READER: Not this again. (1780. Lestat kills some wolves. His family hates him, except for his mother, who wants to have sex with him. He runs away and joins the circus. He has sex with his friend Nicki. Then he is kidnapped by Magnus.) MAGNUS: I have killed several dozen beautiful blond men, but you are special, Lestat. Be my heir. LESTAT: Oh, crap. (Magnus makes Lestat a vampire, then kills himself. Lestat wanders around killing people until he hears that his mother is dying.) LESTAT: Darn. Now we'll never have sex. I guess I'd better save her life, and stuff. (He makes his mother a vampire.) GABRIELLE: Cool. Now I can dress like a man and openly ogle my son. EVIL VAMPIRES: We have kidnapped your friend and are driving him insane. Ha ha ha. LESTAT: Fine. I'll just make him a vampire, too. (Lestat makes Nicki a vampire.) NICKI: I hate you for making me immortal, Lestat. LESTAT: I am having the strangest sense of deja vu. (Nicki creates the Theatre de Vampires, then kills himself. Gabrielle leaves Lestat. Lestat buries himself and then is brought back by Marius.) MARIUS: I am old and artistic. Druids are spooky. By the way, these are Those Who Must Be Kept, the oldest vampires ever, whom I guard. Stay away from them, Lestat. (Lestat plays the violin for Akasha. She rises from her sleep because she thinks he is hot. Lestat drinks from Akasha.) MARIUS: That does it. Get out, Lestat. LESTAT: Darn. (Lestat goes to America and does a bunch of stuff that was already mentioned in Interview With the Vampire. He and Armand get revenge on each other. Lestat goes underground, finally ending the flashback. He is reunited with Louis.) LESTAT: I love you, Louis. LOUIS: I love you, too. Too bad they cut that out of the movie version of my book. (Lestat plays a concert where some weird stuff happens. People get lit on fire. Then Akasha kidnaps Lestat.) ANNE RICE: What a cliffhanger, eh? THE END <